Choosing Peace Over Performance This Christmas
There’s a quiet pressure that arrives every December — the pressure to perform joy.
To be cheerful.
To be grateful.
To show up fully dressed, fully smiling, fully available.
To participate in every tradition, every gathering, every expectation.
To prove — to others and sometimes to yourself — that you’re doing fine.
But peace doesn’t come from performing the season correctly.
It comes from allowing yourself to be honest within it.
Because for many people, Christmas isn’t just warmth and lights.
It’s memory.
It’s grief.
It’s longing.
It’s complicated family dynamics.
It’s empty chairs.
It’s financial stress.
It’s loneliness disguised by festivities.
And pretending otherwise costs more than we admit.
Sitting With Luke 2:14
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace…”
The promise of Christmas was not perfection.
It was peace.
Not loud celebration.
Not forced happiness.
Not performance.
Peace.
And peace, in Scripture, is not something you manufacture.
It’s something you receive.
God does not ask you to perform joy in order to be worthy of peace.
He does not require you to be cheerful to be close to Him.
He meets you where you actually are — not where you think you’re supposed to be.
The nativity itself was quiet.
Messy.
Unexpected.
Unimpressive by worldly standards.
And yet — holy.
If God chose to arrive in stillness rather than spectacle, why do we believe we need to be anything other than honest this season?
Walking With the Stoics
The Stoics believed that suffering increases when we try to control how things should feel instead of accepting how they are.
Marcus Aurelius wrote: “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it.”
At Christmas, that “estimate” often sounds like:
“I should feel happier.”
“This should be easier by now.”
“I should be more grateful.”
“Everyone else seems to be enjoying this.”
But peace isn’t found in meeting expectations — it’s found in releasing them.
Stoicism teaches us that peace comes from aligning with reality, not resisting it.
You don’t have to feel the way the season tells you to feel.
You just have to feel the way you feel.
Performance is resistance.
Presence is peace.
The Inner Work
Performance is a coping strategy.
Many of us learned early on that:
our emotions made others uncomfortable
harmony depended on our compliance
sadness disrupted the room
conflict was dangerous
being “easy” kept us loved
So we learned to manage ourselves for others.
During the holidays, this shows up as:
forcing cheer
over-giving
over-hosting
over-functioning
emotional labour
minimizing our own needs
avoiding rest
staying longer than we have capacity for
Not because we want to — but because our nervous system equates performance with safety.
But safety built on self-erasure is exhausting.
Peace requires honesty — not perfection.
The Cost of Choosing Performance Over Peace
When you perform through the holidays, you may notice:
resentment underneath your generosity
exhaustion after gatherings
irritability you can’t quite name
sadness that surfaces once it’s all over
a sense of emptiness even when surrounded by people
Performance keeps you busy.
Peace keeps you whole.
And the tragedy is this:
You can be physically present for the holidays and emotionally absent from yourself.
What Choosing Peace Actually Looks Like
Choosing peace doesn’t mean withdrawing from everyone.
It means choosing how you show up.
Peace sounds like:
“I’ll come, but I won’t stay late.”
“I need quiet time before and after gatherings.”
“I won’t explain myself this year.”
“I’m choosing rest, even if it disappoints someone.”
“I can hold joy and grief at the same time.”
Peace looks like:
doing less on purpose
leaving before you’re depleted
skipping what drains you
saying no without justifying
allowing your feelings to exist without correcting them
You are allowed to choose a Christmas that fits your capacity.
You don’t owe anyone a performance.
A Moment for Reflection
As Christmas approaches, pause and ask yourself:
Where am I performing instead of resting?
What expectations am I trying to meet?
What would peace look like for me this year — not for others?
What am I allowed to release, even temporarily?
How can I show up honestly instead of impressively?
You don’t need to be brighter, happier, or stronger than you are.
You are allowed to arrive as you are.
This Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. It just has to be honest.
🌿 Ready to Begin the Inner Alignment Work?
If the holidays stir up stress, grief, guilt, or old patterns, therapy can offer a grounded space to choose peace without abandoning yourself.
I’m currently accepting new virtual clients across:
Ontario, Alberta, British Columbia, Saskatachewan, Manitoba, Yukon, and the Northwest Territories.
Book a complimentary 20-minute consultation:
👉 samacounselling.janeapp.com
