Sunk Cost Fallacy: Letting Go of What’s No Longer Yours to Carry
There’s a particular kind of pain that doesn’t come from losing something — it comes from holding on long after it stopped being right for you.
The relationship you stayed in because you’ve “already invested so much.”
The job you kept because you “already put in years.”
The habit you continued because “starting over feels wasteful.”
The dream you outgrew but still fight for because past-you wanted it so badly.
This is where the sunk cost fallacy lives — in the quiet belief that letting go means the time, effort, or love you gave was pointless.
So you keep pouring into something that no longer pours back.
Not because it’s right, but because it’s familiar.
Because you fear looking back and thinking you “wasted” years, choices, money, or pieces of yourself.
But holding on doesn’t recover what’s lost.
It just buries you deeper in what’s no longer meant for you.
Sunk cost fallacy is the grief of refusing to release something simply because you’ve already carried it for so long.
But time invested is not a reason to stay. Alignment is.
Sitting With Isaiah 43:18–19
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” — Isaiah 43:18-19
God is not asking you to dishonour your past — He’s asking you not to let it imprison you.
This verse is not about pretending nothing happened.
It’s about not letting what has happened determine what must happen next.
Just because you poured years into something does not mean you owe it the rest of your life.
God is not tallying how many years you stayed, how many tries you gave, how much effort you invested.
He honors the heart you had when you tried — not the pressure you feel to keep trying when the season is over.
Your past effort is not a spiritual contract.
It’s not a binding agreement.
It’s not a vow you have to keep.
Sometimes the holiest thing you can do is stop pouring into a cup with a hole in it.
God does not build your future around what you fear letting go of — He builds it around what is aligned, life-giving, and timely.
Walking With the Stoics
The Stoics believed deeply in evaluating decisions based on present clarity, not past investment.
Epictetus teaches: “If something no longer serves your nature, release it.”
Stoicism reminds us: You are not obligated to continue something simply because you’ve already spent time, money, energy, or identity on it.
In fact, the Stoics viewed clinging to past investment as irrational:
“I can’t leave — I’ve already put in so much.”
“I’ve spent too long for it to end like this.”
“I’ll feel foolish if I walk away now.”
They saw these as traps that keep a person bound to the past rather than aligned with the truth of the present.
Stoicism teaches: You don’t owe your past self a life that no longer fits your current self.
The real question is not: “How much have I invested?”
The real question is: “Does this still align with who I’m becoming?”
And if the answer is no — the Stoics would tell you that staying is not loyalty. It’s fear disguised as commitment.
The Inner Work
Sunk cost fallacy doesn’t come from logic — it comes from emotion.
It shows up because:
you don’t want to feel like you failed
you fear regret
you’re grieving the version of you who wanted this so badly
you feel guilty walking away
you’ve tied your worth to “not giving up”
you fear what people will think
you don’t know who you are without this thing
you want to honour your past self, but don’t know how to without staying
Your nervous system equates leaving with losing. It equates change with danger.
It equates release with abandonment.
So you keep pouring. You keep trying. You keep carrying.
Not because it’s right — but because it’s familiar.
But here’s the truth: You don’t honour your past self by trapping your present self.
A past investment is not a prophecy.
A past identity is not a prison.
A past dream is not a promise you are required to keep.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit: “This has served its season — and the season has ended.”
The Cost of Staying Because You’ve Already Stayed
When sunk cost fallacy takes over, you begin to:
confuse endurance with alignment
confuse loyalty with self-abandonment
confuse investment with obligation
confuse guilt with responsibility
confuse familiarity with safety
You stay:
long past the point of joy
long after the red flags
long after your body’s signals
long after your intuition whispered “it’s time”
And the deeper cost is quiet but devastating: You lose the version of you that was meant to grow.
Letting go is not disrespecting your past. It’s protecting your future.
So What Does It Look Like to Release What’s No Longer Aligned?
Letting go means asking yourself questions rooted in truth, not guilt:
“If I were starting today, would I still choose this?”
“Am I staying because it’s aligned or because I feel indebted?”
“Is this version of the dream still mine?”
“What am I afraid will happen if I walk away?”
“What would my future self thank me for?”
A healthy release sounds like:
“I honour what this was.”
“I honour who I was when I wanted this.”
“I don’t have to keep choosing something just because I once chose it.”
“Growth doesn’t require me to stay loyal to outdated versions of myself.”
Letting go is not failure.
It’s clarity.
It’s maturity.
It’s stewardship of your energy and your future.
And it’s trusting that endings are not proof that you wasted time — they’re proof that you’re evolving.
A Moment for Reflection
Think about the thing you’re holding onto right now — the relationship, the job, the dream, the identity, the habit, the commitment.
Ask yourself:
Am I staying because it’s right or because I’m scared to leave?
What part of me is afraid of admitting the season has changed?
What am I protecting by holding on — pride or peace?
What might be possible if I allowed myself to begin again?
You might realize:
You didn’t waste time.
You learned.
You grew.
You tried.
You invested with sincerity.
And now you’re allowed to redirect that sincerity into something new.
You are not abandoning your past. You are honouring your evolution.
🌿 Ready to Begin the Inner Alignment Work?
Whether you’re contemplating a big life shift or simply feeling the inner nudge that something needs to change, therapy can be where clarity, courage, and healing begin to take shape. If you’re feeling stuck—but also feeling called forward—I’d love to support you in that process.
I’m currently accepting new virtual clients across Ontario, Alberta, British Columbia, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Yukon, and the Northwest Territories.
You can book a 20 minute complimentary consultation to see if we’re a good fit:
